


Aphelios goes on a date

by i_write_crack_fics



Category: League of Legends
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27103390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_write_crack_fics/pseuds/i_write_crack_fics
Summary: i'm just gonna keep writing crackfics cause they're fun. Enjoy!
Kudos: 5





	Aphelios goes on a date

Aphelios looks in the mirror and sighs, looking at his big fat shoulders. He’s going on a blind date tonight and he wants to look his best; unfortunately, he has tattoos, so he can’t. “It’s okay”, his sister says to him. She offers him a scarf: “Here, have this”. He sniffs it and breathes in the rich smell of moonshit. “Thanks, sis.” He’s been trying to speak like a ‘70s surfer recently. “This is totally groovy!” he shouts before dabbing. Then she cringes herself back to a different dimension without even a “good luck”.   
As Aphelios enters the restaurant, he searches for his blind date; after a few frustrated glances, he huffs and turns around- bumping straight into a tall man.   
“Well, golly gee! Call me a blind person, cause that’s a twelve pack if I’ve ever seen one!” Aphelios says in his ‘70s surfer cowboy accent. In fact, the other man did not have a twelve-pack; instead, it was a 24-pack because the dude accidentally bought too many abs from the ab store and they had a strict no-return policy so now he’s in crippling debt and doesn’t know what to do with himself because his fighting arena went bankrupt when he tried to use it to pay off the abs and his wife and kids left him cause he spent too much money on abs and he spent two trillion dollars trying to convince the people at the hospital to take his father, who has ass cancer, off life support. Anyways.  
The man with the 24-pack said “can I help you?” and Aphelios was so entranced by his 25 abs (“oh wait that one is not an ab”) that he didn’t say anything and just stared. So Aphelios replied, “I’m just ridin the wave dude” and the other man was overwhelmed with delight because finally, he met someone who sounded just like Pete Wentz from his favorite surfing team, Fall Out Boys! So Ab Man walked up to Aphelios and sighed, taking in the rich scent of surfboards, moonshit, and someone’s fart that had been stagnating in the restaurant for way too long.  
Aphelios got so excited that he dabbed and the immediate cringe of that dab caused Ab Man to spontaneously combust, splattering the room with an unhealthy amount of Mountain Dew and Abs. Everyone looks up from their dinner, which is now soaked in Mountain Dew and Abs, and Aphelios get mad because his moonshit scarf no longer smells like moonshit. Uhhhhhhhhhh Yaso that’s the end


End file.
